Sometimes You Gotta Put on a Red Lip and Keep It Moving

by Aaliyah Smith

@themiseducationofliyah

Sometimes we fall into this weird in-between stage where you know exactly who you want to be—the image is crystal clear—and you commit bits of yourself to it, yet you’re too scared to go all the way. I don’t know what you tell yourself, but for me it’s always the whisper of you aren’t ready yet. Or this is too much. Which is strange, because I immediately shut that down, reaffirming to myself that no—this is what I want.

And still, sometimes the evil voice wins. I’ll go weeks without the expression I crave and end up feeling so unfulfilled that I’m back in my journal, once again writing that I need to become more cunt. The cycle is torturous. Every time I get ready, I feel like Prometheus, and the crow of self-doubt comes to rip out whatever confidence I had to simply exist the way I want to.

Eventually, it gets to a point where you only have two options: you can choose not to, feel unfulfilled, and watch other people become the person you want to be—or you can express yourself the way you want anyway and just go about your day.

But before you make that decision, let’s zoom out for a second. We live in something like a panopticon—a hyper-visual culture that extends far beyond social media. You walk down the street, go to class, ride public transport, and constantly feel watched and judged by others (even though they truly aren’t watching you like that—yes girl, it’s true).

“Because waiting for comfort is just fear with better PR”.

So now every outfit, every creative choice you choose to inhabit becomes a test of validation from society. If I wear this, will they think I’m weird? How will others see me in this outfit, this makeup, this hairstyle—yadda, yadda, yadda. And if you’re like me, you live in an area surrounded by confident, self-assured women who dress how they want and move how they want to (shout out the D.C. girlies).

So not only are you being reminded you aren’t cunt enough on social media—you’re being reminded in real life too. You start moving and acting so you can be like the women around you. You prepare. You analyze. Then you compare your own expression to theirs and decide whether you get a gold star or not. Most of the time, you decide you aren’t deserving yet, so you wait and wait and wait. And then—oh!—you remember you promised yourself to be more cunt, and the whole process starts over again.

Deep sigh. We are over-prepared, over-informed, and deeply hesitant.

Well, the fact that you’re stuck in this cycle already tells you something: you aren’t content with your expression. Good. Because contentment is not settling. You cannot allow yourself to settle into an expression that doesn’t feel like you — which is exactly why, after weeks of deciding not to express myself the way I want under the excuse of I’m not ready or it won’t be perceived well, I end up feeling unfulfilled every single time.

This isn’t about staying small. It’s about not postponing your life while waiting to feel comfortable enough to live it. Because waiting for comfort is just fear with better PR. You keep telling yourself you’re preparing, that you’re studying, that one day the divine knowledge of creative expression and creative living will shine down on you and suddenly you’ll be like every woman you admire, effortless and sure.

But that day doesn’t come. Not because you’re incapable, but because you don’t learn how to live by watching. You gotta take a break from studying and do some field work, babes. Get out. Be seen. Live.

When you really think about it, who actually benefits from women waiting to feel “exceptional”? The answer is literally no one. Readiness has become a gatekeeper rather than a tool. You convince yourself you need to keep “working on yourself,” to keep “prepping,” before you’re allowed to live the way you want — not realizing you’re spending more time preparing for something you haven’t even let yourself fully step into.

You keep saying one day. But the goalpost keeps shifting, and eventually that one day never comes at all. The time to be is now. Right now.

For me, this shows up as a red lip—hence the title. I express myself creatively in a lot of ways, but a red lip is a staple. It’s loud. It’s bold. It automatically draws attention to my face. That’s my step forward.

But everyone has their own “red lip.” Maybe it’s a really bold pair of shoes. Maybe it’s no bra. Maybe it’s a hair color. It’s something you choose not to hide, something that feels like you actively telling yourself and the world, this is me, I am here.

Sometimes the red lip isn’t tangible at all. Sometimes it’s a mindset. It looks like going to the thing you said you would, even though your mind is telling you not to because you don’t belong there. It looks like speaking before you feel eloquent. We’re taught to think before we speak, sure—but some of us are thinking way too much (and honestly, that’s often how voices get silenced).

The red lip is whatever helps you show up anyway.

Here’s the thing to understand: life doesn’t pause to evaluate how you showed up. The day keeps moving whether you felt confident or not, whether you said the right thing or wore the right thing or existed exactly the way you planned to. Time doesn’t stop and ask if you were ready. It just keeps going.

So you have to keep going too. Not in a toxic, go-go-go mode way but in a living way. In a choosing-yourself way. You deserve to experience your life as it’s happening, not from the sidelines while you wait to feel comfortable enough to step in. Because comfort doesn’t come first. Presence does.

There is no one day. There’s no perfect moment where everything clicks and suddenly it’s easy to be yourself. One day is always today. And today will pass whether you showed up as you, or whether you waited.